Member-only story
Finding Clarity and Understanding With Autism and ADHD
I am 44 years old, and it was at the beginning of this year (2024) that I realized that I might be autistic and ADHD.
My entire life, I’ve felt like an outsider. Different. Weird.
One of my friends looked me in the eyes once and said, “Don’t be offended, but you’re the weirdest person I know.”
Yes. I know. I’m not offended. I took it as a compliment.
Still, my weirdness and outsider feeling make me that much more anxious in social situations. I can’t talk to people. I turn red, say the wrong things, and/or freeze or run away.
As a child, my shyness was something I was told I’d grow out of. As an adult, I’m told, “You should have grown out of this by now.”
As a child, I didn’t want to go outside and make friends. Kids are mean. Outside was hot and dirty and void of entertainment and stimulation. (Yes, I grew up in the 80s and 90s.)
As an adult, I still don’t make friends. Adults are also mean and judgmental. Difficult to talk to and trust. Trauma taught me that.
I struggled a lot in school. I’m definitely not gifted. Always had to take math and science classes more than once. It wasn’t until college that I thrived and graduated with honors.
